Miehet ovat Marsista, naiset Venuksesta John Gray

ISBN: 9789524590464

Published: 2005

Mass Market Paperback

330 pages


Miehet ovat Marsista, naiset Venuksesta  by  John  Gray

Miehet ovat Marsista, naiset Venuksesta by John Gray
2005 | Mass Market Paperback | PDF, EPUB, FB2, DjVu, audiobook, mp3, ZIP | 330 pages | ISBN: 9789524590464 | 5.34 Mb

My biggest problem with the book is that it is extremely sexist. The book continually explains that this is just how men are, and then goes on to explain how women can learn to deal with that. Biggest load of crap ever. While some people will certainly fall into these stereotypes, I believe this book may cause more harm than good.Some of the sexist highlights:-a woman should go shopping when her man decides that he needs alone time (this is how she can show him her love and trust) {apparently women were able to spend more time shopping when they lived on Venus, because the planet was “covered in shopping malls.”)-a man can leave anytime he wants – in fact, he cannot even control when it is that he may need to leave-a woman is unfairly punishing a man if he leaves even when she really needs him and she then acts upset or hurt in the slightest upon his returnGray thinks that only women are needy, and that only men need to be alone.

Not so. Apparently, Gray thinks that women only ever want to be with their men, and nothing more. Well, that is simply not true for most independent, capable, and informed women.But that is beside the point. Let’s assume that it is true. What bothers me even more is that Gray identifies the different needs of men and women (men need space- women need someone to listen to them/emotional attachment), but he then goes on to explain that when both men and women are experiencing their needs at the same time, the woman simply must concede to the man’s needs. Gray explains that *whenever* men need to be alone, that is just the way it is.

There are no compromises. In his book, a woman, Cathy, asks the question: “If he gets to be in his cave then what about me? I give him space, but what do I get?” And here is the answer: “What Cathy gets is the best her partner can give at the time. By not demanding that he listen to her when she wants to talk, she can avoid making the problem much worse by having a huge argument.

Second, she gets his support when he comes back – when he is truly capable of supporting here.” That is simply ridiculous. What a woman gets is *whatever* her partner can give at the time. A woman just must let the man have what it is he needs, regardless of her needs at the time. I’m sorry, but being in a relationship requires selflessness, and that means that both men and women have to give more than what our selfish natures think we can handle.While I’ll admit that some of Gray’s advice is helpful (insofar as the individuals in a given relationship fall into Gray’s stereotypes), they simply are just not that profound.

Essentially, “if you listen to women and try not to take them for granted, your relationship will be better.” Well, no kidding.The book just seemed full of perplexing thoughts. For example: “Men rarely say ‘I’m sorry’ because on Mars it means you have done something wrong and you are apologizing.” Well, even on earth, I was under the impression that when you are apologizing, you say sorry. I don’t know why the definition of sorry would somehow explain why men would be less able than women to say it.In the chapter about how to score points with the opposite sex, there is a list of 101 things a man can do such as bringing her flowers, listening to her, complimenting her, calling her, etc.

Most of them are good, even if obvious suggestions- nonetheless, Gray’s view of women as subordinate still creeps in. My favorite thing a man can do to score points with a woman is #67: “read out loud or cut out sections of the newspaper that would interest her.” Good idea. Because I can’t read, and even if I could, women don’t read newspapers.

Come on! Even more upsetting is that the corresponding list of 26 things that a woman can do to “score big with men” involves NOT doing things. For example, he makes mistakes, and she doesn’t say anything- “he disappoints her, and she does not punish him.” There are only a few things that a woman can affirmatively do to score points, one of which is “she really enjoys having sex with him.” Again, women are largely the passive actors.I’ve wasted far too much energy and time already on this book.

It is now dead to me.

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